Describing Burning Man is just as simple as explaining quantum physics to a newborn — nearly impossible. Every burner’s experience is so unique, so different… I can only share what it was like for me this time, a single account of over seventy thousand experiences of those who went.
This year was my fourth Burn. The first was in 2004, then in 2006, and then I took a break to have kids until 2022.
Now that I think about it, I could write a short book on what it was like. I am not in the mood for that right now, so I will only focus on these three highlights: visiting the Temple, visiting the Bouncy House, and visiting the Orgy Dome.
The Temple
The Temple is a beautiful structure built of wood, different every Burn. Most people go there to process something, to say goodbye to people, emotions, situations, pets, and things in their lives, or to pray. Of course, some come by to look at the art — it’s astonishingly gorgeous. I went to the Temple twice: once with my friend and once with my husband. My first visit was quite anticlimactic. It was early in the week, and I wasn’t ready to let go or process anything. I looked at the photographs and signs on the walls, the people there, and the beautifully built temple structure and left. I actually felt quite uncomfortable — like I didn’t belong.
That feeling of not belonging stayed with me everywhere for the first half of the week, but that first visit to the Temple was when I felt it most acutely.
After a few days in the desert, my husband and I went to the Temple again. I had a clear intention this time. I wanted to process multiple miscarriages I experienced, to say goodbye to all of our unborn children, and to let go of the idea of having a child together. This was a very different visit. We spent quite a bit of time there, cried a lot, and processed whatever needed to be processed. I wrote my goodbyes on the wall, and the cycle felt complete. I felt like I was part of something bigger, like my emotions had a place, like I belonged.
After that, I didn’t feel the need to go there again. But every time we rode past it, a feeling of peace washed over me. We didn’t stay to see the Temple Burn, but I felt even more complete when I watched it in my friends’ stories.
The Bouncy House
One morning, we were deciding what we wanted to do that day. Suddenly, I got a clear urge to go to the deep playa and find shade there. My friend said she walked all over the deep playa the day before, and there was no shade whatsoever. I still wanted to go there, I told her. And so we went — my friend, my husband, and me.
As we got closer and closer to the trash fence (that’s what the fence around the Black Rock City is called), a structure started to appear. It was a bouncy castle—a pretty big one, with a ceiling and four towers. It had plenty of shade. It also had two guys sitting inside. “Hello,” we said, “Can we join you?” “Of course, welcome in,” they responded.
We got into the bouncy castle, bounced for a bit, and settled in the shade. A few minutes later, another stranger joined us. “Would you like some cold watermelon?” he suddenly asked. Well, of course, we did! We were in the desert in scorching heat — a cold watermelon was precisely what we needed. He produced carefully sliced cold watermelon from his backpack, which we giddily shared with our new friends at the bouncy castle.
Another group came by in a bit — chaps from England — who shared a wonderful speech called “What is Burning Man?” written by one of the founders. It made most of us tear up — so accurately it captured its gist. I have yet to locate it in the Internet planes; perhaps I’ll link it from here when I do.
At that point, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I felt at home.
The Orgy Dome
My husband was the one who really wanted to go there. I was curious about it but a lot less excited than him. Still, I decided to humor him and satisfy my curiosity. And, let’s be honest, it was daytime in the desert, and I wanted to cool down in an air-conditioned space.
That day was a scorcher. As we waited to enter the Orgy Dome, we had to listen to a 20-minute talk about rules and consent. It was necessary, but honestly, standing in that heat proved to be quite tricky.
Once inside, we weren’t sure where to settle. There were areas for couples only and areas “open for more.” The heat was still getting to us, so we picked a mattress near the AC in the Open for More section. Unfortunately, the AC wasn’t working, which made relaxing and getting into a sexy mood a real challenge.
The space filled up quickly with couples, triples, quadruples, and more. Most people seemed to stick to their groups, and there wasn’t much interaction between parties.
Watching others go at it wasn’t as thrilling as I thought. Being surrounded by so much action at once had a numbing effect. It also quickly normalized the whole experience. A fun fact: I enjoyed watching two men make out more than I anticipated.
Getting intimate with my husband in front of others was less exciting than in my fantasies. I think it has to do with the fact that in my fantasies, people who are watching us are not supposed to be watching, whereas in the Orgy Dome, it was normalized and permitted. Permitted — less sexy than prohibited for me, I guess.
One fun moment was when I locked eyes with a girl a couple of mattresses over. We were looking at each other while being touched by our partners in different ways. That I liked!
After we left the Orgy Dome, hubby and I talked about the experience in detail. For my husband, being surrounded by people was exciting. He didn’t feel numb, and he did enjoy seeing all the action at once. I was surprised by how neutral the experience felt for me — it wasn’t super exciting or bad, either. So I told him I would entertain the idea of coming back there in the future to see what else I could learn about myself. Also, I'm not sure if it was the crowd we happened to be there with, but nobody seemed interested in people other than who they came with. So if we wanted to play with others, Orgy Dome wouldn’t be the right place for that kind of experimentation unless we’d bring the others with us.
These three experiences capture the essence of Burning Man for me. Surreal, emotional, honest, human. The event takes me on an emotional rollercoaster ride every time I go.
I can’t wait for next year!
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